What’s there really to know here? Small luxury phone manufacturer goes insane, slaps a pair of hugemongous diamonds, two emeralds and 439 rubies on to an absolutely garish cobra, glues it to a lame-ass phone and sells the setup for $310,000? Pretty much.

We can only take solace in the fact that only 8 of these Signature Cobra phones will be made by Vertu and its partner in crime, French jeweler Boucheron. There’s also a “cheap” version, the $115k Signature Python, which is due for a production run 26 strong, but if you’re actually going to spring for something this ridiculous, why not go all the way, right?